Meditation I am not in control Rabbi Kessin

Rabbi  Mendel Kessin teaches that Hashem made olam haba, then lowered Adom into olam haze with the mandate that Adom should reconstruct Olam haba consciousness.  Olam Haba consciousness means living with the revealed understanding that Hashem is the Creator and that Adom is created.  By rebuilding it, Adom will no longer have the feeling of being inadequate as a creation. Why?  In order to rebuild the consciousness, Adom must use two divinely given gifts, free will and speech, which are creative and causative.  Because free will and speech are creative and causative, which are G’dlike efforts, Adom will have olam haba consciousness along with the experience of being in a small microcosmic way of being creative like Hashem, enough to mitigate the feeling of inadequacy in never being able to be Hashem.

Think for a moment of what upsets us.  When it is boiled down, can we see that it is a frustration of our will and that we believe our will is the “right thing?” We want control.  We wish we were in control.  But we are not.  Hashem is in control.

When we understand the design, we then have the intelligence to understand the opportunity of life. The opportunity is to remember that Hashem is One and to move ourselves there, forming for ourselves an eternal identity as having chosen to use causative effort to be like Hashem when we are in a challenging situation.

In that moment when we are feeling frustrated, disconnected from what we want, we have the opportunity to do something with free will and speech that is G*d-like.  That something that we can do is teshuva on having wished we were Hashem, which will correct our unique flaws and in so doing, make our unique contribution to correcting the eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.


Hashem I realize I am not in control, that I am a creation and You are Hashem, the Creator of all, the soul of the universe. The place of the universe is Hashem

Thank you for reminding me that I am a creation. I notice that I have fallen into thinking the thoughts associated with my will instead of Yours, dragging the pure soul You have given to me into the dark. I fell and now I wish to return. I recognize that the will that brought me to this moment is tainted with temptations from the yetzer hara, who seduced me with promises of achieving with the natural powers endowed with it something that looks materially as pleasurable. I see the futility, knowing I cannot take anything without Your permission. I do not wish to cause damage in the world with the naked will that You have given me through consciousness and life.

I love You and I understand the design.  I will that You, Hashem, be King over all the confusion within me. I want my life to reveal Hashem’s compassion through my speech and deeds. I want to be a conduit for compassion. I trust in You regarding all outcomes. Please help me dissolve the blocks and absorb all divine creative energy in its pure state of revealing compassion.

The name for my fallen thinking is defensiveness, purportedly for my survival.  The impact of thinking along these lines is causing me pain and discomfort and the paths all seem problematic. I confess that I have used the intelligence You have given me to build upon something false, which has resulted in my imagination being on fire and blocks me from feeling close to You. There is falsehood in my coping mechanisms, in my unrectified urges, and in my bad habits.

Please help me to be able to observe my thoughts and what is false and to straighten myself and reconnect to Your Name with calmness and clarity before I do anything else, whatever action might be needed.

With emunah, I observe rather than think the thoughts.  I see and regret that I believe something false.  I realize that my survival depends on You alone.  I am not interested in having my soul poured into anything that will distance me from my Creator or cause the forces of darkness to proliferate. The false message that attracts me to its line of thinking is….and I see that is a pattern in my life.  There is something within me that is a coping mechanism, an unrectified forbidden urge or bad habit.  I wish to stop the false message and bring forward all spiritual content – knowing the inner vitality of everything is Your Compassionate breath even when it is hidden in an utterance that is so disconnecting –  from animating anything false. But I have urges instead to act out the  falsehoods and I do not want to. It is painful.  It is untrue.  I am afraid or angry.  I do not wish to do damage.  I feel lost in the dark.  I know I do not want this, but I don’t have the control to just stop this thinking because it is nature. I am a creation.  You are the Creator.  I turn to You in desperation and with love and awe.  

 I cry out these urges and falsehoods from this point of desperation, confessing them and asking that the love and awe in my heart for You please affect this darkness so that Your Compassion is felt here, so that my emotions are regulated thereby allowing me to think clearly how to bring Your Compassion into the world.

I am doing the mitzvahs of love for Hashem and having awe in Hashem, using my intellect to connect to Your compassion. My effort is intended to acknowledge the truth of olam haba consciousness, even though I am not feeling Your love and mercy yet at the level of my heart because of being connected to a falsehood that is habitually ingrained.  I want to associate love for Hashem and awe of Hashem with what is in my heart and safely confess in order that the inner compassion trapped in the falsehoods will release into the love and awe that I feel for Hashem. I see that the triggering event is an outcome of failure to reveal compassion at this very same behira point. Thus I see I have a platform to appeal for all of this content to reveal Your compassion. I have the opportunity to make a causative effort and be GDlike in this moment, to involve my essence with blessings  Hashem is sending. May my effort be a merit for Klal Yisrael in dissolving what blocks us

My will is to feel Your love and mercy so that I may reveal Your love and mercy.

 I ask that the raw spiritual material that is swirling within me be restored to purity, to be available to reveal Your compassion.  This is my will.

I regret my past mistakes and all the aveiras in thinking, speaking and doing that resulted from past failures.  I wish to acknowledge these errors and declare my will is to reveal Your compassion. (cry out details)

Please forgive me and uproot whatever blocks me from feeling and revealing Your compassion. Please answer me with the truth of Your Salvation – feeling Your love and mercy –  so that I have more heartfelt  free willed choice to reveal compassion when these matters come up.

Thank you for this opportunity to use causative free will and prayer as You intend, so that I may ask to feel consciousness of Hashem more deeply within my heart.