Chukat: The Mateh Moment – Choosing Between Striking or Speaking

-Rochel Leah Weiman based on Rav Ashlag

 
In Parshat Chukat, Moshe Rabbeinu faces a defining crossroads: Should he strike the rock or speak to it?
 
Hashem tells Moshe to speak. But Moshe, perhaps overwhelmed by frustration, strikes instead. This moment is more than a historical event—it’s a personal mirror for each of us.
 
Every day, we encounter our own “Mateh Moments”—times where we stand at the edge of choice.
Do I react with anger, judgment, or ego (striking the rock)?
Or do I pause, breathe, and respond with consciousness and connection (speaking to the rock)?
 
The Choice Between Two Trees
 
Every decision in life is a choice between two inner trees:
         • The Etz HaChaim – the Tree of Life, the path of selflessness, connection, giving, and alignment with Hashem’s Will.
         • The Etz HaDaas Tov v’Ra – the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, the realm of ego, shame, separation, and judgment.
 
When we’re in the messy kitchen, seeing dishes pile high… A messy kitchen / house is an opportunity to be “messy-anic” if you do this inner work of the battle between the 2 Wills / Ratzonot and choose to come closer to Hashem. (this thought attributed to Rebbetzin Tamar Taback)

When someone takes “our seat” in shul…
When a friend disappoints us, or a spouse acts in a way that triggers…
That’s our Mateh Moment.
 
Do I strike out, fueled by my ego?
Or do I SPA (Stop, Pray, Ask) and choose a mitzvah, choosing life and connection?
 
The Tikkun of Shame and Ego
 The Chumash describes Adam and Chava before the sin as being “naked and not ashamed.”
Rashi explains: They were unclothed from sin, unburdened by ego or false separateness.
 
After eating from the Etz HaDaas, they hide. They feel exposed—not just physically, but spiritually.
Our ego reactions today—anger, blame, judgment—are modern fig leaves.
They cover the vulnerable space where Hashem is inviting us into relationship.
 
Shigra or Shagrer? Routine or Rocket Launch
 Here is powerful wordplay:
The Hebrew root שגר (sh-g-r) means both “routine (shigra)” and “to launch (shagrer).”
 
Our unchecked, ego-driven reactions become our routine, hardwired like rockets launched and impossible to recall midair.
But if we choose to pause… to SPA… we can reset our nature.
 
Instead of launching words or actions we’ll regret, we reorient towards Hashem.
 
SPA – Stop, Pray, Ask
Racheli Miller calls it SPA:
         •       Stop
         •       Pray
         •       Ask: What is Hashem asking of me in this moment?
 
When I’m suffocating in my own frustration…
When I want to lash out…
When I’m gasping for air emotionally…
I can Stop. Pray. and Ask Hashem for help to choose life—Bacharta B’Chaim.
 
Not by My Power
 It’s tempting to believe “Kochi v’otzem yadi”—that I control outcomes through my own strength.
But as Rav Ashlag teaches, true spiritual victory is the nullification of ego: knowing deeply that all is from Hashem.
 
Like our miraculous survival after October 7th—despite all efforts and strategies, it was Hashem’s protection.
 
When I kiss the mezuzah, I don’t do it on autopilot. I pause, SPA-style, and whisper:
“There is no king but You. It’s all You, Hashem. Thank You.”
 
Inheriting the Land—And Our Hearts
 Entering Eretz Yisrael—literally and figuratively—means living “Yashar El”—straight to Hashem.
It’s not about conquering with might but receiving with humility:
“When you come to the Land that Hashem, your God, gives you to inherit…”
 
The same is true for entering the vulnerable landscapes of our own hearts.
Victory is not about domination, but about receiving the ruling power of the ratzon l’hashpia—the desire to give and align with Hashem’s Will.
 
The Real Reward
At the end of the day, the true schar, the deepest reward, is this:
To serve the King.
 
Every Mateh Moment, every pause between impulse and choice, is another chance to create nachat ruach for Hashem…
To choose life…
And to draw water from the Rock with love, not force.