Tomer Devora - “Grant Truth to Yaakov”

Tomer Devorah July 24, 2019

10. Grant Truth to Yaakov

 This midda of emes is for the the benonim who are called “Yaakov”, (a person who do not go beyond the letter of the law) not “Yisrael” (a person a higher ruchnius level). If we conduct ourselves with uprightness / b’yosher , HKB”H also conducts Himself toward us with emes and rachamim.

So, too ben Adam vchaveiro, we should act toward our friend in a way that is upright and true, al tzad ha yosher vhaemes, with rachamim, never perverting the justice of his friend. Just as HKB”H has rachamim on us, benoniyot with the quality of emes / truthfulness, in order to perfect/metaken us.

 We may think, “Of course, I am upright and true in my relationships. I never pervert the justice of my friend”. It is important to metaken this midda by honestly delving into the depth of our neshama. Our relationships with others are rooted in our relationship with our self.  There are 3 relationships in our lives. Bein Adam… l’Atzmo/ones self, l’Chavero /with others, and L’HaMakom/with H-shem. The focus is three-fold, but we must begin with our self. For if we do not have love for ourself, we cannot have true love for others and that expands to love toward H-shem.

How do we come to truly love our self? When we can fully accept our flaws as G-d-given. We are created perfectly imperfect. Our imperfections are “by design” of our Creator. When we can embrace our imperfections, we come to love that part of our self which we may not be comfortable with.

However if we recognize, in the heat of the moment - that firey emotion, that burns within us when we are triggered with anger, jealousy, frustration, lonliness, victimhood – that is is precisely for us straight from HKB”H! In this moment, if we recognize THIS a message from H-shem! THIS is the Shechina in exile in my being.

I will ratzo v’shav. I will run to H-shem and return with His rachamim and perform chesed upon the return. In this way, we metaken that midda.

Like the waves.

One wave comes and I know the next one will be coming soon after. So instead of letting it crash on my head, I prepare for it. And when it comes I embrace it. Then we learn how to RIDE THE WAVE instead of being drowned into the the depths of the sea. As it is written in Yeshaya 57:20 “The wicken are lie the spewing sea for it cannot rest, and its waters spew mid and mire.” Lets not get caught in it. Lets embrace it!

Once we embrace our imperfections we will love our selves with our imperfections and this will improve all our other relationship. For then we realize that everyone has their journey of their own middos to rectify. We will have compassion on our selves and on them and this will result in transforming a negative experience to peaceful loving interaction.


As Rav Doniel Katz wrote, “I want to cry. Be still my beating heart… Maybe all this rejection is happening not because you’re not worthy, but because you’re worthy of something more. You’re not being rejected, you’re being selected.*

 Yes I am being selected with this firey emotion, this challenge, nisayon, negative occurance because as Tomer Devora states HKBH has mercy on us, according to this quality of truthfullnes, in order to PERFECT them.

We must recognize and hold space for this dual consciousness. 1) to embrace our imperfections, while 2) rising above our nefesh behemis to our nefesh Elokis. Knowing that H-shem created me with this natural inclination to this emotion, but now I am now rising above my nature to my Daas Elyon which recognizes that this is all One. The dark emotion is really light/love/Elokus. I integrate both into my being. And the wave passes. And I look forward, with joy to embrace the next wave and even enjoy the surf ;)



*Full text by Rav Doniel Katz:

 I want to cry. Be still my beating heart.

 Even when every door in the world slams in your face - don’t give up, and never take it personally.

 Maybe all this rejection is happening not because you’re not worthy, but because you’re worthy of something more.

 Perhaps all the old doors and paths are closing before you because they are tired and worn out. Perhaps Hashem has decided it’s time for radically new and better ones.

 Perhaps the Infinite Himself is blocking you from them, to leave you with no other choice than to dig down deep and create a new doorway, a new path that never was before. Because if not you - with all you have within - then who?

 Perhaps your destiny is to forge the next path, not just for yourself, but for the whole world.

 Next time a door slams in your face, realize: You’re not being rejected, you’re being selected.

You have what it takes; you have everything you need. Don’t look back - forge forward. And chart a new way home for us all.


Tomer Devorah 10

You will Show Truth to Yaakov

This quality means that the name Israel refers to a special excellence. But the average persons who do not go beyond the letter of the law are called Yaakov, for they conduct themselves only in accordance with the truth. The Holy One, Blessed is He, possesses a quality of truth which accords with strict justice and uprightness. For those who conduct themselves in accordance with the truth, the Holy One, Blessed is He, has compassion in truth and uprightness. 12 A man, too, should behave in truth and uprightness to his friend, without perverting justice. He should have compassion on his neighbor in truth just as the Holy One, Blessed is He, has compassion on those of His creatures who are no more than average, to perfect them in accordance with the quality of truth.