3Weeks Class 2 of 3 7/22 Transforming Sinas Chinam to Ahavas Chinam - Rabbi Labinsky

Rabbi Labinski July 22, 2019

19 Tammuz



How to rework the power of distancing in our lives…

How to rework the distance into greater closeness…

 The parodox itself will bring us closer


Its hard to call the 3 weeks a moed

How do we experience distancing as pleasure…

While culminating in full blown availus?


To paradoxically implementing dinei harchakos

Exemplifying all the ways H’s hides himself

for a greater gilui of H’s presence


in the very place of the distance

we search for the ratzah in the tzarah


no matter how challenging

the circumstance is

H’ is always there

and waiting to reveal him self


1. Ben Atzmo

appropriate to challenge and confront

intolerance, whatever shade of sina one may have with one self


you are a soul

knowing your soul

lofty place to practical

hiskarvus: as much as possible


there are times when we actually feel close

but other times closeness is generated from distance

How would we look at a scenario which would cause sina?


Ex. Someone has tremendous intellectual talent

a geek; he had alot of dislike


or incredible beauty

people couldn’t go beyond her physical beauty to see her spiritual beauty


not “why wasn’t I given this quality?”

shame> then blame

blame > shame


the internalization

shame is an expression of sinas chinam for ones self!

I feel badly about myself as a person


“I feel distant from my self”

3 weeks till tishabav


decrease the feel of body

this quality that caused you to feel badly about yourself

look at it!

and try to understand it!

challenge it

see what you’re aspiring


when you dig deep enough

you’ll find the ratzon


ie. attractive woman

I understand the beauty I was given

they think and expect I can do no wrong

her deepest yearning is for someone to know who she really is on the inside


can you control other people?


go beyond her own physical attraction

welcome it with ahavas chinam

the prompting from outside from other people

is a basis for us to appreciate who we truly are


so the world would get us for who we truly are


the beauty was a distraction

but was really an attraction


people could even give her benefits she doesn’t even deserve

maybe a trait you don’t relate to.

and has caused you to be distanced from your soul

use this time period to embrace it.


dig deeper

What do you really want?

deeper yearning for a positive expression

in a positive way


Dedicate as many of your good qualities

to see them more accurately.


we are discussing negative traits

H’ is in that also

to fulfill your divine ways


fundamental to higher expression of avodas H

and a higher expression in this world


2. Adam Ben Chaveiro

when we are not experiencing hiskallelus of souls in a symphony to express H’s Elokus


I like you because we are the same

we relate


you are so out there I have no clue what you’re talking about!

how you are relating to the Torah in this way…


Transform the disparity and distance to greater closeness


we say can “I be more open-minded to understand a different orientation to life”


·       hearing it

·       understanding it

·       appreciating it


not “my orientation is the best!”

eliminate sina!

“i dont relate to you becuase we are not the same”


we need to be willing to confront the ways we distance our selves from each other


to come to value different orientations hashkafically

takes the element of distance


rework it into closeness

from the very place you were distanced


3. Ben HaMakom

this makes me exceptional

in a good way: I’m different from everybody


or negative

“H’ why did you give me such parents?’

H’ I’m angry with you. Its not fair. That creates distance between us and HKBH


Work it through until you serve H’ with a full heart

to embrace the distance without getting swallowed up by it


2 common reactions to distance:

1. numbing out, tuning out

2. hostile with others


the paraxox

embrace the distance

withdrow from the body, awaken the soul


anchor the hook

as your going down

don’t be a victim

going down

“My tatty is there”

pursuing …

I WANT to see you here!

here too you brought me to this place


your heart becomes softer

Here too

bringing out your divine identity

become more receptive

see behind the distance

what we ultimately want

rechuk and kiruv / (ratzo vshav)


not just tolerating and managing it


the tekufa and kedusha of this

is the reality of things that distance our selves

are all sina


we embrace with a soft heart

Mevaer/ open our eyes to see the closeness


why do we have to go thru this in 3 weeks?

the paradox of opposites

the more oppositional something is

the inner crux- is the revelation is Yichud H’


This isn’t to know there’s a G-d

But to know G-d is One!


The whole picture is

Waiting to be reinstructed down below


fitting in a picture perfect way!


H’ says “I need you!”

underline the tzara

find the new ratzon

in the opposite form to reveal its higher expression

reveal His unity



the bottom line is

can you be humble enough?

Are you bold enough

to get in these angst places?

and ultimatly deeper sense of emunah.


“I know you’re here Tatty”

That’s the new closeness






We are looking in a way

very extreme you dont like this trait


I have it i dont know what to do with it


i seem to hurt people in the process


ie. I talk alot. and somehow people cant take it. I dont want to hurt anybody else.

i turn it inwards

and wish i didnt have this quality at all


within every point of distance.

Ive hurt alot of people

I only want to speak when I have something relevant to say

I feel so much closer to myself

Im speaking to bring out H’s purpose in the world.

Its about the koach of dibur

to connect other people with HKBH


reletive degrees of distance to closeness


its great to be close to H

but you cant be a recluse and distance yourself with others


accepting, loving and truthfull

you dont have to be married to distance

you can release the shechina

greater yearning to what your soul wants to create

you become closer


a continuum of distance

the whole world is for me

the trigger is a kli shelishi

get to the fire without getting burnt


the outside world endless things can ruffle feathers

i dont like social circles

distance being close

its adam v chaveiro


but what is my ben atzmo

connected to social circumstance


the further you go inwards it will always come back to you

sometimes He talks to you through difference


Dovid HaMelech through closeness or distance

I am always connected to you

all sorts of ways






i do that all the time, so why is 3 weeks different

the ability to do that in specific is tied to your overall capacity

culminating in tisha bav

embrace distance

hold space

see it

worki it through

lift it up


your overall capacity

has to do how you shteig

to distance




youll see amazing things


its not pulling away

still connected


if im being pushed away

the thing i want more than anything…


ie. woman in mid 40s

deep anxiety

lived in profound aloneness

every time in a relationship

she sabbotaged it with a pattern

at one hand youre seeking connection

choice point

do you want a relationship?

i have to tell you we got to the heart of the matter

im married to my aloneness, im committed to my aloneness

i sabotage my relationships



because if your married to the existential aloneness

the bais ha mikdash can not be rebuild


the aloneness and distance was a yearning for closeness

she couldnt go there to strenthen her yearning enoght


we are only alone to the extent we feel for closeness

dig deeper

to existential Oneness with HKBH


If we can break the aloneness

the elevation is int he problem itself

to yearn for KHBH


levad > ayn od milvado






even in the feeling of being alone, hold the space for pain, because you

yearn to be so connected to someone, where does it come from?


experienctially 3 weeks

more discunneccted with yourself

its a faulshood ive adopted

whatever the world convinced me of


underlying this is a deeper union wiht G-d

this is how we elevate this time



its createing greater closeness in distance

creating yichud H”

he give us the opportunity to create in the redemption


can do this impetuausly

can get swallowed up by it

come up with platitude why you cant do it


my summer starts after the 3 weeks

you miss the epicenter of yiddishkeit

the reality of galus

only temporary

waiting for us to flip the switch



is there a piece of Torah to hold on to?

the whispering of the negaitve thoughts

the force is the soton confounding us

perhaps understand that H’ does good

message of the zuhama and the force itself

we are going after the whisperings of the YH


something to hold on to to be brave


key is to find core trigger work


ayn od milvado


shifts your mind


raash / noise

it may look real but its not real






ana H’ byom tzara


yud, bais, tzadi


Roshei teivos spell emunah


these 3 weeks


break glass and get out quick

snap out quickly

zuhama is a creation after the cheit


suggesting come up with something

to get you to higher lights

trapped, release him


the pathway to yichud H’


the willingness to live with all aspects of our lives


depleting the arsenal of the YH and bring it to H’

to be mamaet / me-ut

to break


meshaber to diminish the koach of the ra

to awaken the kedusha


mechanics of 2 opposites

 yechud H’ comes from 2 opposites


really Od

then ayn negate it  ;

leaning back milvado (levad> milvado)


Baal shem tov


hiskashrus connect

hiskallelus -gilui of yichud of H


arizul based on rashbi



ratza-inner yearning trapped ; existentional lonliness

hiskallelus / tzohar


general process to metaken


someone says hatzlacha raba


tzadi lamed ches



chalitzah = expchange havdala

hamtaka: break through and gets revealed


every process ase or lo ase has this process


everything brings back to Yichud H

3 parts to bris mila

nisivos shalom:


not just tikkunk klali

tikkun prati: H’ made it tailor made for me

not personalize it

you gave it to me Tatti with a purpose

to rework in this 3 stage process how you really move through it


convert it to greater closeness


give testimony

distance is only made to reveal to your oneness

i fee special

reveal his one ness


not just coping

we have to be willing that duality is to reveal the oneness

with no exeptions


see the underlying truth

we dont want any more tzar

drug it

swept up and burn up


middle path

the path of emes

we can have that plces to reveal the divine presence



all different way to tackle to outside world to tackle inner world


Hamtaka: sweetness


from tachlis, kalkala= Sweetness of the soul

If you are willing to dig deeper into this

the tzara transforms to the opposite thing I am in pain about


This is the sweetness for the soul

to upgrade aloneness > togetherness


Our soul yearns for it


Embrace the distance

Don’t take it PERSONALLY!

Reveal the real source of the divine unity in H’s world


Milvado =  hamtaka

connect to Levad


Its the problem and the end game

How amazing!

36= levad= Leah

Its the pathway out of the problem


FEEL the yearning for togetherness

ENMESH yourself with reality


Build together in partnership

distancing your self

this time of year we may feel like we need a break


Gilui is in this tekufa


Give it up to H-shem!

Repair relationships.


Its not a bunch of “No’s”

I cant have meat … I cant… i cant… I cant

No! Look at the positive pursuit!


greater closeness



QUESTION: What happens when others arent willing to work with you?

Or they don’t want it. Its too complicated.


Perhaps you can role model the right thing

Show kavod habris, 
Jews and none-Jews

show kavod

it could awaken them back to you.



There are degrees of connection

TEACH it to them

if they are hostile to the concept

just be a shining example

don’t make excuses for your self for holding to your G-dliness

Be yourself in the fullest way (ie. example about shaking hands @ work)


stay true to your self

living with the Shechina

yes you may be makel, but we have to live a l’chatchila life

when in comes to the Shechina


Truly treat them with kavod

Show them kavod Shamayim

Act more lovingly

Make the relationship the best you can

be ready to go half-way to improve the relationship



I know youre an exquisite person!

Put responsibility on YOURSELF

I want to build a Bais Hamikdash


with the deepest committment

We mean business

Offer your self as a korban

this is the highest expression


Homework: Describe examples of Tzara > Ratzon

All in Tzohar- in the most kavanadik way

want it

live with it

all in it for you

may we see tremendous shefa

from this internalized view of H’


Bring yourself to the place where you

love all Jews the best way possible


Dont be distant from your self

a New Awakening


“Batul M’Vutal”